When I make you mad
a strange set of switches flip
and I suddenly
realize just how much my heart
yearns for yours.
In those precious seconds,
where I could possibly save
the situation,
my feeble attempts do nothing but
force a wedge in the dam’s crack.
When the flood hits me
it comes not in words
or raised voices
but in your tone and language.
an almost silent riptide that
pulls me from my feet.
Then when the inky
water starts to pull
me from my sputtering
and nonsense ramblings
and down into its depths…
I suddenly know,
not just think,
but know just how
much I love you.
By the bursting
pain that runs through my lungs.
By the flailing lack of control
my limbs seem to master.
By the guilt
that forces me to question
How exactly I am able to
keep you
by
my
side
when
I do the things that inevitably make it worse
And when I say the things that only seem to bring
me a foot deeper and the surface a foot farther away.
I believe I love you
not only because of the
glowing ring above your head or
the shimmering wings you hide so well,
but because you hand me a ladder
when my perpetual watery hole has gotten too deep
to handle.
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